Many people seek out sex therapy because something in their intimate life doesn’t feel right. Maybe sex feels painful, disconnected, overwhelming, or even scary. Maybe you feel shut down, like your body is present but your mind and heart are far away. Or maybe you want to feel desire again, but can’t access it. No matter how much you try. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And there is a path forward.That’s where EMDR in sex therapy can help—by gently guiding the nervous system toward healing and deeper connection.

At Aloha Spirit Therapy, I specialize in the integration of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) with sex therapy to help individuals and couples reconnect with their bodies, understand the deeper roots of their struggles, and experience safe, meaningful intimacy. This trauma-informed, emotionally attuned work helps people not only process sexual trauma, but also uncover the emotional memories and nervous system patterns that shape how they show up in relationships.

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What is EMDR?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful, evidence-based therapy that helps people reprocess unresolved experiences that are still affecting their mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It works by activating both sides of the brain (through eye movements, tapping back and forth, or other forms of bilateral stimulation), allowing the nervous system to safely revisit and reprocess stuck or distressing memories.

Originally developed to treat PTSD, EMDR is now widely used to address a range of concerns including anxiety, phobias, attachment wounds, and sexual trauma. It can help reduce the emotional intensity of difficult memories and allow the brain to integrate those experiences in a healthier, more adaptive way.

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What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of talk therapy focused on concerns related to sexuality, gender, intimacy, and relationships. As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in San Diego and serving clients throughout California, I support individuals and couples with:

• Low desire or arousal
• Sexual pain or discomfort
• Shame and guilt around sex
• Performance anxiety
• Trauma or medical-related sexual concerns
• Identity exploration (LGBTQ+, kink, non-monogamy, etc.)
• Emotional disconnect in relationships

Sex therapy is not about giving advice or quick fixes. It’s about creating a space where you can safely explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to sex, and begin to heal what’s been getting in the way of connection and pleasure.

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How EMDR and Sex Therapy Work Together

Many people assume that sex-related challenges must stem from sexual trauma. While that’s sometimes true, it’s not always the full picture. One of the most powerful aspects of combining EMDR with sex therapy is the ability to follow emotional and physical triggers back to where they began — even when those roots aren’t directly sexual.

For example:

• A client who feels anxiety during sex may trace it back to a childhood experience of feeling emotionally unsafe or invisible.
• Another may discover that painful sex is connected to a medical procedure that overwhelmed their nervous system.
• Someone with performance anxiety might carry memories of being shamed for their body, their desires, or their gender expression.

EMDR helps us locate the emotional memory your body is still carrying and begin to gently reprocess it so that your nervous system no longer treats intimacy as a threat.

This integrative process also allows for healing at multiple levels:

• Emotionally: you begin to feel more present, empowered, and safe.
• Physically: your body can relax into connection, rather than brace against it.
• Cognitively: outdated beliefs (“I’m broken,” “I’m too much,” “I’m not desirable/loveable”) can be transformed into new beliefs (“I am capable of healing”, “I get to take up space”, “I am desirable/lovelable).

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Not Just Sexual Trauma: Understanding the Hidden Roots

One of the most important things to understand is this:

Sexual issues don’t always come from sexual trauma.  

Say that again. 

 Sexual issues don’t always come from sexual trauma.

Sometimes, the challenges we face in intimacy are rooted in emotional experiences that don’t seem related at all, until we start to look more closely.  EMDR allows us to follow the emotional thread back to its origin — the first moment your system learned a limiting belief like, “I’m not safe” or “I’m not wanted.” From there, we revisit other memories that reinforced that belief, helping your system update and release each one with compassion and clarity.

You may be struggling with sex today because of:

• A history of being touched without consent (even non-sexually)
• Experiences where you felt humiliated, isolated, shamed
• Religious or cultural messages that created shame or fear around sexuality
• Emotional neglect or rejection in formative relationships
• Birth trauma, surgeries, or other overwhelming experiences that left your body on high alert

By combining EMDR with sex therapy, we don’t just treat the symptoms — we uncover the story your body is still carrying, and help you transform and reclaim it.

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How This Works at Aloha Spirit Therapy

My practice is based in San Diego and I offer therapy throughout California through telehealth.  Yes! We can do EMDR effectively online!

 I provide EMDR and sex therapy in a way that is:

• Trauma-informed: honoring the pace of your system and never pushing past your capacity
• Holistic: integrating mind, body, and emotion into every session
• Relational: therapy isn’t about fixing you — it’s about being with you, as you are
• Creative: using metaphor, imagery, and parts work (IFS) to support deep healing

Our sessions may include:

• Mapping parts of you that feel afraid, avoidant, or ashamed
• Identifying body-based triggers and their emotional roots
• Using EMDR to reprocess stuck memories and trauma responses
• Practicing new ways of experiencing safety, pleasure, and using your voice

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You Are Not Alone. And You Are Not Broken.

Whether you’re navigating sexual trauma, postpartum intimacy, performance anxiety, shame, low desire, or simply a feeling of disconnection you can’t explain — this work is for you.

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen. And it happens best when you feel safe, seen, and supported. That’s what I offer at Aloha Spirit Therapy: a place to bring all your parts, all your story, and all your hope.

Let’s work together to help your system soften, your voice emerge, and your body feel like home again.

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Ready to Begin?

If you’re looking for an EMDR therapist or sex therapist in San Diego or anywhere in California, I’d love to connect.

Book a free consultation to explore whether this work feels right for you.

Aloha Spirit Therapy: Helping you heal from the inside out — one part, one memory, one breath at a time.

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